Is science enough?

tl;dr: Saw something “alien”. Almost regretting I ever saw it and believe there are more than just physical aliens that can be contained in a lab.

Just throwing this out there.

Many years ago, I was leaving campus with a friend in the early summer evening and headed towards their car. When suddenly as we stepped into the parking lot, I felt some immense presence above me. I froze, looked up, and saw some massive, I mean utterly massive, perfectly rectangular shape just hanging silently in the sky. It was a dark metallic gray/brown and made no noise or anything. Despite clutching my phone in my one hand, I could not help but remain utterly frozen, I could see it, *feel* it, like drowning in a thousand memories of something I should know, yet so foreign. I instantly felt lost in my own mind, my own body and lost all sense of everything. It was terrifying but…calming at the same time. And the strangest part of it is that it felt like an eternity staring at this thing, but *not* at the same time. For when I found my way back into “me”, in the moment I looked away from the object and to my friend, literally snapping my arm out in sheer panic to hit my friend on the shoulder and said “Hey! Look up!” my friend stopped and did so, then looked at me and said “What?”. I looked up again suddenly sweating and a strange sense of panic and fear entrenched in my body. There was nothing but the clear evening sky.

My friend frowned at me and asked if I was okay and that I looked like I saw a ghost. I literally yelled “You didn’t see that?!” they asked what I saw. And for the first time in my life, despite all my love of space, watching scifi’s, wanting to study astronomy, always wondering about alien life, making jokes, etc. I found myself unable to say anything. My friend once again asked what I saw, and I could say nothing. I just looked back up at the sky, looking all over wildly, suddenly feeling like there was a gaping hole in my chest, in my person, I was scared, but suddenly felt very lonely, abandoned…*hurt*. I felt like I wanted to cry, and I couldn’t figure out why. My friend finally got annoyed and told me to stop being weird and get in the car. I followed as we made our way to the car, every few steps, looking back and up at the sky. It was only when we got in the car, that I suddenly found myself able to say what I had seen. “I saw a ufo”. My friend looked at me with the most “You serious?” look on their face and told me “You’re legitmately crazy sometimes” and that was it.

For days after I struggled to be “normal” and just felt so painfully empty, words cannot do it justice what the sensation was like.

Anyway, I say all of this because it’s been gnawing away at me now and then over the years. And obviously with all this new drama over the hearings and what not, there’s lots of talk about research groups, study groups, etc. And that’s all well and good. But…speaking for myself, I really don’t feel this is something that science alone can tackle. I believe there is alien life probably out there, but the things that I’ve heard people try and explain that are not spheres, not “normal craft”, not bodies, etc. Something just *feels* really wrong about some of these stories like mine. I know, “How can you know what aliens can do or have”, I can’t, that’s true. But what I saw did not feel like a “thing”, it felt like a presence, like something had completely stripped me naked to my very core and stared at me. I’ve been around power as a civilian many times, police, military, heavy machinery, etc. You feel scared, intimidated, on your best behaviour perhaps, but you know that they’re just *things*. The firearms, the vehicles, the clothes, etc. Whatever this was though…it was beyond power as we understand it. I didn’t feel like I could be killed, hurt, etc. I felt as if I were literally a lie, fake, beyond invisible, yet magnified so much it hurt my brain to even think and I just shut down. There were literally no human words, emotions, to process it. I used to always think “People have all these whatever stories, if so, then why not take a picture or record when it happens?” It was only when it happened to me that I truly understood. You just *can’t*! It’s like you…just aren’t there anymore.

I’m trying to explain this but I don’t even know how to do so. Just recollecting this makes me feel so…”there’s something wrong” is the best way I can put it. Not evil “wrong”, but…”you can’t even begin to comprehend as you are”. I know it’s all just talk and I didn’t even really answer my own question. But I almost wish sometimes that I’d never experienced it. I spent many years fantasizing about aliens, watching X-Files, all the normal stuff and “waiting for disclosure”. Then when I finally saw “it”, I literally broke. I really, really feel like there’s 2 things going on here. “Aliens” that are living entities of our reality, and “Alien Aliens” that are just…something else entirely. And that’s why I initially wanted to ask the “is science enough” question. Because even though I know what I saw, etc. I can’t tell you how big it was, it truly felt endless, bigger than me, smaller, inside me, outside me, beyond me. Some might argue, “Well if you show a caveman a 737 plane, they might feel the same way!” And maybe that’s true, but if that’s the case and it is purely technology. Then these beings are so far beyond us, the idea that we reverse engineer any of their tech or that they even “crash” is preposterous. I think we’re truly dealing with layers of reality, and not just “living aliens”.

I something hate my experience. It feels like having shown the deepest most profound secret, then the box quickly closing on you and you just *feel* deep down that you’re living a lie.